Had my last AT lesson today. Well, not really a lesson, more of a last cup of tea. I've decided to stop with AT. Don't know if I'll ever resume, I guess not. I don't feel it to be a very difficult decision, nor a very heavy one. At this time, I'm dealing with questions that cannot be answered by taking a lesson in something. Questions like "who am I in the first place, what do I want and need?" Things to which I myself want to, have to, and eventually will find the answers. I've already had a sneak preview, and oh boy, it's going to be a lovely ride.

So, no, I won't miss being a student. I won't miss AT either, because it will not leave me. It's my own thing, and it's up to me to do something with it or not. I will miss D. though; I just hate it when I have to say goodbye to a really inspiring teacher. Especially because you don't exactly meet them at every streetcorner. So far, I've only met three of them in 31 years, and I'm already counting myself lucky.

And I can honestly say that five years of AT have been a life-changing experience. Fun doesn't do justice to the quality of the lessons, but there was an overall lightness that made it a lot easier to go through the more confronting parts. I'm not an easy learner to please, get bored with things very quickly, my mind wonders all the time, but none of that during D's lessons. And besides learning a lot about inhibition & direction, I now also possess a whole range of funny voices & phrases to suit different occasions, like fake surprise ("O ja joh..."), recovering from a rather intense move out of the chair ("Helleuh!"), and confirmation of understanding AT theory ("Simpol"). Nice fringe benefits, definitely.

And this blog...I don't know yet. I'm still moving forward and up, I still read Alexander's work, and over the next few weeks, I'll probably want to feast you on my AT memoires. Oh puh-lease M, cut the crap, you're not dead yet.